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A Glimpse of Something Odd

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Thursday, July 13th, 2006
3:28 pm
My bad. I use the blog conviniently buried within Myspace for ranting and raving purposes.

blog.myspace.com/aerodynamicvomit

Titles include: poo, Rocky, I feel like vomiting, The Cleanup, BBQ, jesus, Dykitude, insane mold, irresponsible, more mold, Arrrr, oh, about that..., Stab you in the throat, "The Crackwhore, the Good Samaritan and Pepperspray", and Sidenote.

In other news, I'm a bad friend and can't shake the following feelings:
impending doom (small doom, but not happy doom)
general malaise/funk
combination of horniness and lonliness
some kind of confusion, but no clue as to what I'm confused about.

current mood: calm

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Saturday, May 6th, 2006
1:54 pm - Yeah
So when Purplepillow posted her "ticker" it made me feel good and happy for her. So maybe uh, that'll help me out too.

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Friday, April 14th, 2006
4:13 pm
I caved and purchased a portable MP3/WMA player. Not an IPOD so fuck you guys.

Thus, I need music to put on it.

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Monday, April 3rd, 2006
1:08 pm - jesus fucking christ. THINK BEFORE YOU ACT.
Fuck you, Good Samaritan Hospital.

Don't you fucking DARE call me (my mother's emergency contact number) and leave a vague message, then when I call asking if I should rush to her workplace and remove her from work because her heart is going to explode, pretend you have no idea what I'm talking about and that no one called. Fuck you. Don't call a fucking emergency contact just because you want the patient to call you back for a follow-up phone call. THAT'S NOT WHAT EMERGENCY CONTACT IS FOR YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKERS. I could KILL someone right now. I found out the day before her extremely invasive heart test that she was getting the test and possibly an ICD or pacemaker, or both, and that she has near Fatal Arrythmia, and that she had an... attack? recently and couldn't even call for help. What the FUCK. I might need a goddamn hospital now, my heart's pumping so hard with unrelenting rage from your stupidity. YOU CALL THE PATIENT AND LEAVE A MESSAGE LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO. YOU DO NOT CALL THE EMERGENCY CONTACT AND MAKE THEM THINK SOMEONE IS DYING. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.

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Sunday, April 2nd, 2006
6:34 pm
Lost my cell phone. Call me after Wednesday if you want me to have your number again. Yes, that means you, I lost yours. No, that doesn't mean you Kelly, because your cell # only has like 4 different numbers in it.

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Friday, March 17th, 2006
2:48 pm
He takes paypal. I will be colorful tonight.
Kelly, gimmie a call when you're home from work.

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2:16 pm
Thank you, Leslie's Pools and Spas for making my paycheck late and fucking my plans.
...awesome.
fortunately, tattoo paul may take paypal. Let's hope.

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Friday, March 10th, 2006
5:45 pm - Single
That ends that, and let's tell you how:

After a week of him being a recluse and hiding from all of our issues (started with a small fuckup on his part) I have just broken up with Tim/Mezz/Pie fucker in the following fashion:
Through his mother.
She answered, went downstairs to get him on the phone, yelled at him to wake up, threw the phone at him, he still refused to answer, she yelled some more and came back to the phone saying sorry, he won't get up, he's sound asleep. I said, we're breaking up. She says she knows, and doesn't blame me at all. I agree, ask her to tell him it's over, she says no problem. I explain I hate to put her in that position but i won't drive out there to just drive right back home crying. she says no problem, I don't blame you at all, he runs and hides. It's what he does. I said I don't have to take it. She totally agrees. I thank her, and tell her good luck with him. She says she'll need it. Bye.
...what a special day.

current mood: calm

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Sunday, March 5th, 2006
10:17 pm
She's the last person who ever deserved this. It's really coming to a head. I don't think there's a whole lot of time left. I... hate everything.

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Wednesday, March 1st, 2006
12:21 pm
I really shouldn't be in school right now. period. i can't handle it, at least not the real classes. I have an essay due tomorrow that i just got the question for and a test friday. i want nothing more than to go back to sleep because apparently insomnia has struck again, except during daylight hours.
ehhyeah.
future? what?

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Friday, February 24th, 2006
5:50 pm
i feel really empty. i feel like there's no muscle in my body. getting up is hard. getting anywhere else is damn near impossible. i'm being really exquisitly useless lately but i don't know how to fix it. i don't know how this happened. i even made some good decisions and felt good when i went to bed last night and just got up even worse. i don't understand.
going back to sleep. i can't do anything else apparently. what the fuck is this.

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Tuesday, February 21st, 2006
2:06 am
I can feel fine for one minute then be shaking the next.

I don't know what to do. where to go. I don't know how to let people help me, I realized.

If you know a good psych/therapist/whatever in the Suffolk area, alert me. Mine isn't working out. Talking about it doesn't do a damn thing, rather, recollecting things simply makes it worse.

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Monday, February 13th, 2006
4:51 pm
what an awful day.

suffolk is only taking 8 of my 53 credits acquired at binghamton. 8. yeah, single digit. i wasted two years and 22 thousand dollars. how awesome.
i was freaking out about it all day and came to a realization and breakdown in the shower.
when iwas 6 or 7, my softball team placed 1st in the league. we had an awards ceremony. one by one each team member was called up on a stage and given a really pretty trophy. everyone was called except me. i started crying and ran up on the stage, crying hysterically and tugging on the woman's shirt asking why i wasn't called. i was forgotten and cast aside.
anytime i've ever saved a group project, no credit.
in the 7th or 8th grade, i scored ridiculously well on the SAT (for a kid) and was invited to an award ceremony with the top 4 or 5 smartest kids in school. I mean, they're superbrains. i went. my name wasn't called. i was forgotten and cast aside again. several months later they scheduled me into some bullshit meeting to give it to me in front of strangers who don't care.
i was that girl that theater/music teachers always spoke to after the cast list was posted saying, 'i wanted ot give you xyz rather than chorus or but... '
i tried out for select chorus in 6th grade, blew it away, didn't get in. the chorus teacher later told me 'it was an oversight, i can't believe i didn't remember you'
am i really so fucking immemorable?
am i the slightly higher than mediocre girl who just struggles to get seen from below the canopy of superachievers, or am i one of them that's just made of celophane?
no wonder i NEVER felt like i've accomplished anything. my earliest accomplishments were fucking forgotten, lost in a pile of meaningless names and numbers.
i've run out of words.

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Wednesday, February 8th, 2006
9:40 pm
WHAT'RE THE ODDS?!

<td align="center">

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com</td>

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Thursday, February 2nd, 2006
2:23 am
Sorry, I don't need to feel guilty that everybody out here sees Tim less than me. I see him BARELY as is, and BARELY more than the rest of you, so fuck that guilt trip. I've only held him back if we had pre-existing significant plans, already started drinking and won't drive, or had a physical reason not to go (deathly headache, whatever).
See, I don't even know if this person meant to send me on a guilt trip. But good fucking job.
I have no reason to feel bad, so why do I?

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Wednesday, January 25th, 2006
5:23 pm
Feb 18th, 9pm, Fin's Pub, Oakdale.
Karaoke, darts, general mayhem.
Comment here if you need directions or definitely plan to come.
It's my birthday party.

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Saturday, January 21st, 2006
3:41 pm
So...
If I go to suffolk for 2.5 years I can attain a Nursing degree FOR FREE, take the RPN and have a secure future. If I feel like going back to Bing afterwords I can finish the writing degree.
...
why am i having trouble making what is obviously the right decision?

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Wednesday, January 18th, 2006
10:49 am
When you date somebody for a long time with issues, when you know they have problems and are, for however long, a little bit more needy, DON'T FUCKING DISAPPEAR AND COMPLETELY BLOW THEM OFF WORDLESSLY WITH NO WAY TO CONTACT YOU. Asshole. I'm so pissed. I've never had so many heart palpitations in a 12hr span, from anger or whatever else.

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12:23 am
I'm gonna fucking kill somebody.

I am motherfucking LIVID.

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Sunday, January 15th, 2006
8:54 pm
Guys, here's a tip. Never try to choke your girlfriend with your unrelenting seed. It won't end well.


Anybody else heinously pissed about this lj password BULLSHIT? NObody on the planet knows my password, and it's not common. I should be able to use what fucking ever password I want. fuck off if I don't wanna have numbers in it. It's a JOURNAL. Not my BANK STATEMENT. Fuckers.

My bank statement is pretty worthless too. Sure, rob me of my $.24, you can't even afford the little gumballs that come out of the machine with my debit card.

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