Laura (zanthia42) wrote,

what an awful day.

suffolk is only taking 8 of my 53 credits acquired at binghamton. 8. yeah, single digit. i wasted two years and 22 thousand dollars. how awesome.
i was freaking out about it all day and came to a realization and breakdown in the shower.
when iwas 6 or 7, my softball team placed 1st in the league. we had an awards ceremony. one by one each team member was called up on a stage and given a really pretty trophy. everyone was called except me. i started crying and ran up on the stage, crying hysterically and tugging on the woman's shirt asking why i wasn't called. i was forgotten and cast aside.
anytime i've ever saved a group project, no credit.
in the 7th or 8th grade, i scored ridiculously well on the SAT (for a kid) and was invited to an award ceremony with the top 4 or 5 smartest kids in school. I mean, they're superbrains. i went. my name wasn't called. i was forgotten and cast aside again. several months later they scheduled me into some bullshit meeting to give it to me in front of strangers who don't care.
i was that girl that theater/music teachers always spoke to after the cast list was posted saying, 'i wanted ot give you xyz rather than chorus or but... '
i tried out for select chorus in 6th grade, blew it away, didn't get in. the chorus teacher later told me 'it was an oversight, i can't believe i didn't remember you'
am i really so fucking immemorable?
am i the slightly higher than mediocre girl who just struggles to get seen from below the canopy of superachievers, or am i one of them that's just made of celophane?
no wonder i NEVER felt like i've accomplished anything. my earliest accomplishments were fucking forgotten, lost in a pile of meaningless names and numbers.
i've run out of words.
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